This Is

A well balanced me.

2011-08-17T13:45:00.000-07:00

hello people,

well a long time has passed by without me diligently updating my blogs here, i am fat too consumed with my tumblr that i have actually thinking more of re-posting rather than thinking on something to write on.

it's almost the end of ramadhan people! how has your ramadhan treating you? As for me, it's just okay i guess..

Well guys do read my tumblr yeah.. mostly its a mix-up of everything that i like..

www.theblueinkpen.tumblr.com

State your wants

2011-06-07T05:09:00.000-07:00

errhhh i really can't stand it now.. i am feeling totally useless, i know i can do better but i have been denied right now.. when actually will it be okay for me to do my own thing!

new posts after ages.. :D

2011-05-27T01:12:00.000-07:00

well haven't been religiously writing my blog :), was actively on tumblr right now but i think that it is pretty much different from what use to be a conventional blog, i love it too though.....

what i want to do right now is actually to have a place for me to actually express myself in so i have to go back to writing on my this account anyways, i hope you'll enjoy reading my entry later on.. thanks :D

Mood: Tidak menentu...

2010-11-21T06:35:00.001-08:00

hahaha.. well to much was on my mind today..

bah mana tidak... Been eating a lot people...

how on earth la mo kurus klu macam tu kan...

people said that to lose weight is easy... but not for me... kahkahkah

almost two weeks already at home and it gets me! omg.. i have nobody to talk too... no friends to make jokes with and i am so alone! it is not that bad but imagine having no contact at all from your buddies... wouldn't it be like hell??

haish....

Kali la.. i am a person who does not social well right?? but seriously... people do think i am approachable.. but then again i am the one who is lazy enough to mood my butt around.. hahaha

thanks for reading..

do check my other blog..

www.theblueinkpen.tumblr.com

Mood: Tidak menentu...

2010-11-21T06:35:00.000-08:00

hello people... hehehe

2010-11-19T04:51:00.001-08:00

for now i will be focusing more on my blog over www.theblueinkpen.tumblr.com

do please read and give me feedback :D

My whole three years

2010-11-02T12:09:00.000-07:00

it is almost over, my three years here in Melaka,

been through a lot.. so much that i think that i become so familiar will people around me.. It has became on of my favorite places to travel.. although i didn't manage to go all the places i think i hold a lot of fond memories here. Some i think are really sweet and some were meant to be forgotten i guess.. :)

friends? i have a lot here.. i am very lucky.. i can be someone who is absorbing just like a sponge. people get well around me.. of course that is what i would say right.. but never mind.. I accept it... i am nobody..

people met and greet each others, and of course problems arises, it cannot be denied. it happen.... :)

i am so grateful

i am grateful to you, for staying with me, through thick and thin. during the troubling years. i seriously will miss you guys a lot.. i love you guys.!

I am what to you?

2010-10-27T08:06:00.000-07:00

suddenly i realized that i am nobody... i wanted to tell myself that i can trust anyone.. but do they do the same to me? am i something to them? do i hold some importance to them? i am nobody....

i have to try and depend on myself more.. starting to do work on my on. i have to... i have to be an all rounder.. i must try and solve my own problems. seriously. that is the only thing that i think can help me know...

may i one day will be surrounded by people who i cared the most... :) i love you guys so much :)

A little bit more......

2010-10-26T04:33:00.000-07:00

guess what, it is almost over.... 3 years in Melaka really paid off... managed to get all the things done in due time... only two more subjects left... hopefully everything will turn out good.
i wanted to ask myself... what have i acquired here while studying?
1. a lot of friendships.
2. a lot of obstacles.
3. a lot of money used
4. a lot of feeling lonely

have to say.. i am grateful, thankful towards all the people around me... although i may be old.. yeap i am 23 years old... much older that the rest of people here. i still haven't achieve what i am capable of... i hope to be given more time to prove to myself... helping the people who need help the most...

God has helped so much, His protection that i really need the most. Thank you Allah.

To wrap it up....

2010-10-11T18:51:00.000-07:00

a month left...
i never knew things would be so fast like this... it seems like yesterday i have been here.... but why, in god's will.. i hope next thing that will come to me will be okay.. and i will always be blessed.. :)

got so many memories here, both love and hate...

met with a lot of people, new friends, new environment and everything.

i will surely missed everyone here. well that is something that i should not say for now right.. i do still have exam to face.. haha

btw, went to watch Eat, Pray, Love.

the movie was okay.. i like Julia Roberts acting, very good and it looked very natural. :D no wonder she was one of the most sought after actress in Hollywood right?

love the location, the scripts, and the cast... it is fun! overall a 4 star out of 5, great! heheh :D

last week was very busy for me, events to be handle.... assignments to be done... and of course it is still undone.. i should get things cleared out.. :D

Press me....

2010-09-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

Well this will is so packed with all the things that i think is so hard.

like seriously.. omg, it may not look that hard actually but the degree of difficulty is so high people!

haish.. the nearer it gets the harder i think things will be, i wish for it to end sooner....

i want to feel free.. hahaha
:D

Owh really? is it?

2010-09-28T04:39:00.000-07:00

Around two months to go... seriously, would it be nice if i just press the pause button right now..

things getting so much critical right now..

i just don't kn0w, for next sem it is going to be so much harder i guess.. come on people.. seriously... things were alright over here.. and suddenly it will not be the same.

well enough with all of that.. work as hard as you can right now.. so that next time it will be okay :D

holiday?

2010-09-06T21:42:00.001-07:00

hello, hee, i've been in sabah 4 a week now.. Hee, chores at home are mounting.. I've been making cookies with my mama.. Was fun bcuz last year i didn't manage 2 help.. I've made about 6 types of cookies.. Which was awesome! Been thinking of making some bread pudding.. Hee... Later on wil do.. Hee, btw my assignment? I have not even startd doing it..hee, wasn't my fault! Blame d holiday okay, hee... Anyhow, i would love to say, happy eid fitri to all my buddies, my family... I love u guys so much, hee...

what are we actually...

2010-08-28T10:38:00.000-07:00

am i the one responsible to all of this? Am i the one who is guilty? As i remembr, i am stil just as human u.. What is lacking between us is trust... Distance really caught the both of us.. I know it may be hard 4 d 2 of us.. So what's next? Is that it?

the weekend...

2010-08-20T00:12:00.000-07:00

wah.. seriously... it is tough!!!!

i hate the feeling of not being able to do something.

i mean like.. we seriously did what we supose to do, but then wth.. it is getting harder and harder all the time.

things will not be easy i know, but seriously... why does have to much harder?? omg.. ughhh..!!!

the work is not that hard.. but the person in charge of it is the one who are making it much harder to work... haish..

thank your so much for making it a hassle!!!

How much do you know about me??

2010-08-16T15:41:00.000-07:00

it occurs to me that we really are human.. we are someone who sees things on the outside only. we only cater to what met our eyes.. to be able to see something well beyond it is so hard, somewhat impossible to do either.

Hey! that person is that... is this.. the common things that might come out from people right.. even i sometimes do that.. but why?

we have to admit.. people somehow differ from within.. some of us born lucky.. and someone have to work hard to have things on their way.

To be able to see something well beyond the eyes is a gift.. a respect, and a trust that you give to others.

Random writing...

2010-08-14T01:38:00.000-07:00

So much to do so little time....

as always, you always heard this right.. well nothing less happen this time.. Puasa is on and all i do is sleep.. it is not nice to do that only all the time.. but then again what can i do right? nothing else to do but my assignment here....

okay.. i'll try...

being all alone at home really burns me out.. it's like i am not able to talk to anyone, even say "hi"... wahhh.. this cannot be. i have to find a way to make life much more worth it.

wah.. i need to get ready for my research interview on Tuesday. still don't have the information needed but yeap have to finished it before monday.

Been thinking on going back for raya.. and I think that AirAsia is the best choice for now.. cheap... okay... there's nothing different when it comes to pick any airlines to go back.. it's just the same i guess for now. :)

Emotion may be vary.....

2010-08-12T13:09:00.000-07:00

wah... hello2. it's the third ramadhan already today.. nothing much.. just fasting and doing the same ol routine all day long...

two of my housemates went back.. so it just me and one of my friend here... quite okay but at the same time a bit boring. hehehe...

i am so sorry if i ever make you feel mad again.

i have been a bad-bad person this past few weeks,

but it's not like i am mingling with the bad persons...

i'm with my bests of friends here.

if you would only understand.

please don't get mad on me again.

i'll try to not make you angry anymore..

i will...

so please? please?

u haven't even wish my birthday yet....

Ramadhan for a month

2010-08-10T20:06:00.000-07:00

it's the time again everyone, try to enjoy your Ramadhan and filled it with all the goodness that you can give...

try not to eat too much, sleep too much and do as many works as you can do, so that life can be more interesting.

it's only once a year, and there is no excuses in not fasting this month aight???

hehehe, i know that waking up for Sahur is so hard, but you need your food to stay energetic during the fasting time..

hoping for everyone to be happy and thankful to god Allah S.W.T for all the blessing that He had given.. Insyallah

Happy Ramadhan :)

The long road to realisation..

2010-08-09T09:11:00.001-07:00

this week, it is a confirmation that yes, i am a bit free. Well there is no more things to look forward to other than hoping the next event would be greater.

i kinda miss how hectic it would be. how life can be more than just having fun on your on. meeting with other people and working with them really made me realize that we are just the same, no matter how young or old are you.

from this day forward, well my campus life would only be based on the assignment that has been given, the interview that is still vaguely in the making. i don't know how in the world can that happen when there is so much things tangled up in the middle.

i still don't get it, how people perceive me as a person. am i that bad? hahaha, there's this one new friend of mine and she said that i am kind of mean... well am i?? of course not, i am just me, happy, shy, and yes sometimes just would not be talking too much.

just ask me something and surely in return i will, yes i meant it that i will try to help you. :D

TTFN.... later guys :)

it's almost done..

2010-08-06T03:21:00.001-07:00

well this weekend i will officially leave my position as a vice secretary...

hopefully the next KOMED will be as great or much better than us :)

nothing much to write for now, but i think that i should try to do something else..

its not that i don't have much free time before, but then i will don't have anything to look for later on. seriously... being in KOMED is really fun. sometimes it is hard, but mostly it is all about the experiences that i gain in doing the event and meeting with other people..

so much did i learn here, the world would not wait for you, you have to work your butt off.. pleasing people is hard, and have to stay positive even though it is the most hardest thing to do..

how i will miss the things that i enjoy to do :)

everything is unfinished...

2010-08-04T03:16:00.000-07:00

seriously... My work wil never finish.. Its adding up n never work on my side... When somthng is done... Other problem seems to appear.. What d hecks.. Haish when wil thing goes easy on me... Hahaha... Its not that we really.. It is hard when u hav things turnd back on u... ):

happy 23rd birthday.

2010-07-28T03:14:00.000-07:00

well today is my birthday. i am very grateful to all the wishes that i received, i love you all. 23rd already.. wow i guess getting older is very hard right.

i wish for the happiness all around the world.

a smile to all my friends

a dream to be achieved

a life to be well planned

a sweet messages from a lover

an unconditional love to my parent, brother, sisters, cousins, nephews, and nieces.

thankful to GOD,

i am who i am now, it is because of my surrounding, my friends, family. i love them so much. i learn so much, i love so much and cherish everything that i have with them.

time may fly, but memories never fades and will still be in my hearts,

thank you so much everyone

i love you... :)

Happiness ain't that far i guess..

2010-07-24T16:33:00.000-07:00

Well too much happen to me last week. I am so much surprised that i will not getting my PTPTN this semester. Well who won't right.. i never realized that i have problems with this things. when i refer to the people who are connected to this matter, it seems that i had made a very silly mistake. Take this, it is said that i am an extended student, that i was supposed to be finishing my diploma last semester.. WTF.. seriously i am shocked.. so seriously..

suddenly i felt like so burdened. Been using my parent's money all the time for my enjoyment.. That is not a good thing i think.

Before, money seems to be not the problem, and right now it is. i have to think twice before even spending what i want. it is hard. seriously hard, when you are living far apart from your parents.

i know that some people might say that i am old enough to try and collect my own money. but seriously i don't have any job experience here and seems like my parents is the only source for money on my education.

i need to change.. a change would help me to be much matured i guess. matured in the sense of the way i spend my money.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

hurmm.. okay this is a promise i will try to update my blog as frequent as i can.. you know, i also have a lot of things to say but... then again, i am a person where people take lightly... a person who are so softspoken.. Seriously.. i think that i need to take a stand.. i have to brave.. right?? i am just a human as they are right?? i do have emotion to be taken care of and never to be left aside..

Getting Older.

2010-07-11T05:13:00.000-07:00

It seems that time flies by so quickly that you could not catch up with yourself. You somehow felt the differences and u can't adapt to it.

When there's too much free time, you feel that there is nothing to do and the truth is that u have the whole burden to yourself.

The thing that i am afraid is that i am someone who can't seem someone talking. this is because i am a little bit curious and yeap i would thinks that what they are saying is something about me. i really don't know why.

i got the feeling that people do think that i am not capable of doing anything that they would presume me of not doing my job the way is should be.. it is not the matter that i can do it or not. it is the matter of trust. i feel that sometimes i don't get any trust from the people surrounding me and thus making me feeling a bit down. is it so bad??

what must i do then? i am trying so hard to be hard on myself and not feel sorry about anything that may happen to me.

sometimes, i feel so small that i am not at par with other people. seems like they got something more that i have. what the heck is that feeling anyway right... haish.

i am getting all frustrated about this. wish that i could find myself a way to think differently.

Sometime i just wish....

2010-06-17T08:24:00.000-07:00

hey.. happiness is not that far right?

do you believe in happiness? is there such thing?

i love you? i miss you.. every sweet things that you enjoy telling others.. are they real? is it really from u? in my case yeah i do. i do miss you, i do love you.

a feeling is something so vague that sometimes people just don't see it.

it gets me sometimes.. the fear of being alone. how, if were to be alone, for the rest of my life, what would it be? will i be living in a retirement house somewhere? i am scared. i love everyone around me. i missed everyone. i like everyone. hopefully things will get better and things wouldn't be that bad in the future.

i wanted to know you so much that i think we can do something together, something that can make the both of us happy. but there's too much distraction and troubles arises that make it so hard for us.

lets just pray for good things to come our way.

My Best Friend.

2010-06-15T06:28:00.000-07:00

They say, choose your friend wisely because they can either pull you together or down. i am someone who people can presume as friendly. i can smile and say hi to everyone.

There's a difference where you are in with someone who understands you and someone who only knows you from a far.

As for me, i learned that it is hard to start a friendship where you are someone who are somehow different from the other people. You will feel it lingering in your body. You'll start to wonder, will people accept me for who i am? will they be friend with me?

A good example is that, when you are studying abroad, you'll learn that you have to depend on others to help you go through all the hardship that you'll face. you'll learn that there is more that you have in common with them.

I love all of my friends, i love to meet with other people and share experience with them, try to make contact to them and always be there when they needed someone to. i still right now, trying to find one. someone who would share a piece of their hearts to me, the same way i would to them. and try, try so hard not to judge me the way i act and also try to take me seriously sometimes.

Time passes by, and of course all of the memories is not happy. sometimes, we fought, we cried, we felt that we've been stabbed from the back. That is life without a doubt. problems happen and it can't be denied.

We learn to respect our friends, we know what they are good about and what they are lacking. Thus we make it special to them.

But sometimes, friendship can really drain you. you feel so deprived that you got so annoyed with what they do. a freakish kind of emotion, that i think happen so frequent to me. Friends i guess will always feel that everything they do is something that is acceptable. but then i guess, what they forget is the emotion that one has to hold just to make sure that he/she will always be at the group that they feel likely to be grouped with.

A lot of best friend is fun, but when it is too much, we feel as if we don't have the time of ourself. we feel we are not good enough without them. in a case where we are too depended and believed to much on them. it is so annoying that way.

i think it would be not just me who felt that way. a lot of people would always feel the same that they even think worse.

In my opinion, a good friend is someone who really understand you, someone who would not look down on you and accept u as a person inside. not just for fun on you

Hey... I am Okay.

2010-06-14T10:26:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I haven't been writing for awhile already. so many things getting in my way actually. so many things that sometimes i just keep it to myself that i don't think it is appropriate to tell anyone about that.

Just got my result a few days back, and boy what a relief that i managed to get quite a good marks for my fifth semester there.

i was not feeling so good when i was answering some of the finals. i lost confidence on what i can really achieve. I've been feeling this burden since my first time getting a Dean's List. What bothers me is that the expectation and also assumption that i feel. I know that i am not suppose to feel that way, but its just the way it is. i am a person who usually would over think on something that i think useless but in away could not bare to just leave it behind. Well that was some of the problem that i have there.

Back at home, well there was a lot of wedding reception invitation that came, some of which i managed to see. is it really my fault for not mingling around with them? i just could not find some connection, i tried, but then again i could not, i just feel different.

i am grateful, happy and just laid-back, some people would see me as a very naive person. right.

haish.. i guess i have too much time to spend, been at home for too long. haven't been in a function at all. where have all my friends went. is there still a place for me here?

holidays ahead

2010-05-27T07:21:00.000-07:00

wow been at home for about two weeks already. it's kinda slow here. i just don't know, i got so used to be so busy all week there and when i got the chance to get home, i somehow slowed myself down. munching on food all the times, playing internet and less work.. hehe

getting home really give me the chance to be thinking a lot and yeap i do realize that i am not that good either. i am just me, normal.. i have been fooled that i got so many things on my sides.

i hate the feeling that i am not that capable on doing something.

Currently appreciating all of the things that i got..

really missing all my buddies there, like seriously, 2 weeks is so slow and alone, haish at least, if i am not busy with anything, i can just go to them and laugh all the way..

i missed my friends.... haish so much.. :(

can i?

2010-05-20T05:26:00.000-07:00

i was thinking more when i got back home, how things are more laid back here.

there was less stress and so many time for myself. i pampered myself that i kinda got lost on what i suppose to do.

been online for the whole lot of my day and surfing the for other things that i think not that important.

i got lost..

somehow i think i strain my brain so much thinking of things that weren't that important, i mean seriously, why would i be thinking that i should have something that other people have right?? that envy..

i have my own confidence level and i am happy with who i am right now.. and i can't seriously can't just leave my old self go and thinking on having what is uncertain to me right?

try to be thankful on what you already have, and make room for new experiences to come.

will it be?

2010-05-09T06:28:00.000-07:00

wahh.. seriously, i will be staying at campus until Tuesday,

hurmm.. howdy had not been writing for a long time and still i am here..

i recently finished my part five course already and all seems not to be going on my way. why o why, its not like i played too much just that things are not going on my way and i really don't know why... seriously if i think again, i did all of it.. and still it hadn't change a bit and i am getting bored of it.

why are all of this thing happening, seriously if i did not do everything why can't i get it all.. shit... and when this happen people would presume that i didn't done it right.. well i am just human and i guess human are not that perfect either right..

2010-04-25T10:29:00.000-07:00

it has been a rough time for me here.

seriously, haven't left the campus for almost 4 straight months. even during the midterm holiday, i'm still here! haha

summarizing my sem this time... it was filled with colors. emotions really shown this sem.

hahaha writing something bad would surely make people mad. but the truth is that we can't escape it. we make some mistakes all the way. and i think that some are mend-able if you put your hearts to it.

we cried, we laugh and still in my case people can't really judge you for who you are here. somehow, we tend to let some of our heart to our own. something that you hold in to, so that you

can at least prepare yourself to use when in need.

right??

some random heart toughts

2010-04-24T20:02:00.000-07:00

kadang kala kita sentiasa tertipu.. itu sahaja... hahaha bye

oh so happy

2010-04-14T11:35:00.001-07:00

i am like... what?? seriously? lately been sleeping late for almost a week too many things to be settled before the study leave comes.. i am like okay.. will it be done anyway.

it's freaking me out man.. the event next sem, i really, really want it to go as planned and i think that i will be good enough if our presentation went we,ll... but for starters, so many things happen this sem.. things happening without me..

and btw i love eating tomato ketchup.. tangy.. mix it a little bit with a chillie sauce.. amazing!

the heat.

2010-04-06T01:50:00.000-07:00

well, i mostly felt so stressed out.. too many things to be done at one time. i really don't know how to cope all of this matter at one time..

i wanted to do sumthing, somthing so gud that can make me so happy so any suggestion guys.. :D

An announcement...

2010-04-01T05:18:00.000-07:00

i am willing to SMILE :D

i totally hate this part.

2010-03-28T19:45:00.000-07:00

imagine putting yourself into a situation where u become so naive. so much so that u feel defeated and losing.
u are so naive that suddenly people took advantage on it.
its like shit man. i hate this, i have tried. tried so hard to be as kind to people giving them the same way i treated others but then again they misjudge me.
saying that i am guilty.

if i could really could not say no to that. like do i even care about the silence that was created between me and them. i tried.. and i couldn't care less anymore.

wanting back something that has already been broken is something stupid. at least that is in my case.
i cherish all the moment i have with them, but right now i guess our difference has gain on us.. and some things are meant to be left behind unfixed...

Something new.

2010-02-23T08:13:00.000-08:00

Last week was week of fun for me.

i was staying at campus for the whole week alone at my level. you guys might not believe this, but yes.. i am having fun. seriously, i was out in town more than usual, watching about 3 movies straight and it was so much fun!

i thought my week will be so boring but then i didn't felt that much. when you have friends by besides u, then life would be fun right.

i guess my day now is fully filled with assignment and all the clubs activities. i sometimes felt that i am making it just to get out of trouble.

another thing that shock me was the demise of Alexander McQueen. One of the most sought after designer this decade. Stress was the cause they said.. but yeap may your soul rest in peace.

i missed home a lot right now, seriously... been here for about two months already, trying hard to keep it up her. Sometimes it gets me. how hard to please other people when sometimes they themselves couldn't care less about me. what is the point of being nice that way right? But seriously i think my naivety is something that people would love to take advantage on..

better take care of my own emotion right??

a day when you are me.

2010-02-09T00:59:00.000-08:00

one words can really make a difference, why am i the one to be blame here? so did i ever talk bad on anyone? or just because of me being nice to anyone, they somehow took advantage on me. i so deeply annoyed with this, people's perception and all. i really can't take this anymore.

some wounds just can't be mended anymore. it leaves a scar that would be remembered forever, that is visible to your eyes. even if it just a joke it still hurts, and i guess things have changed and my changes is due to something that you yourself have started before.

i am thankful to everything that i hope that things would go on your way, the way u liked it to be.

Cheng, Elderly and a glimpse to the future.

2010-02-06T02:45:00.000-08:00

for the first time in my life, i went to and elderly institution, where, people tend to the elderly people. at fist i really don't know what to expect, but then i get the whole clear picture.

people are every way so any reason. sometime it is due to what we do in the past and how life have brought them to the future that is today. reality can be daunting but it happen without us even knowing what to expect.

i did talk and mingle around with all the occupants there and most of them have their own story to share. how sadness and happiness is somewhat normal to them. they are immune to anything. giving smile to everyone and acting normal. It is acceptable for someone to be there if there is no one to take care of them, but upon hearing that some of them do have sons and daughters it kills me to hear that they been left there without them even wanting so..

i am afraid, i love my parents as much. i am blessed to have a close-net type of family. we just don't know what might happen in the future, but i am really hoping for the best to everyone who are living, may everyone are as happy as they can be and don't have to face such difficulties.

wishing myself..

2010-02-03T08:59:00.000-08:00

this semester is so tough.. i am stuck in between of all my works and all the assignment that i have to submit..

i am just afraid that this will not go my way, so many times is used for other things rather than studying. i liked it though. i like all the experience that i gain here. induction was so fun.. friends and all juniors are all great although there is some glitches over here and there i still appreciate it all... seriously, who are we to judge people right.. even maybe what they do are wrong..

what happen can't never be rewind, facing it is all you can do.. i never quite understand the real reason someone would do such thing, but guess he would have his own reason to say that. something are better to be left alone and never be said to others, even posting it would do damage to someone else..

i am actually trying to put myself in so much responsibilities so that i will not feeling alone because getting alone really sucks! seriously! when you are in a relationship where u think will not work out you'll feel deprived and lost so much.. i really don't know.. i wanted to cry but then there is no shoulder for me to cry on...

so let me cry a river right now!

early stages

2010-01-27T04:15:00.000-08:00

i haven't been thinking about this lately but then it came to me, but it seems that people would do anything to get others attention eventhough it is somewhat lame.. as for me, i myself would be thinking the same thing, it bothers me sometimes that how can i be acting that way when seriously people just don't care?? hahahaha

i was trying so hard to be nice, smiling and all and still i felt incomplete. seriously i feel handicapped, unable to do something on my own, whether it is the fact that i don't know how to, or even i really don't have the guts to do it.. well i am trying. how can people get the confidence that they need when they know that they are unable to do it? wow. is this a sign? a sign of lacking a lot of self confidence.

somehow i think that what i write still helps me so much in telling myself that i can do it.. i must right? i should right? hehehe.....

as for me..

2010-01-14T10:26:00.000-08:00

i know it is not that appropriate but i really need a distraction right now. somehow, it is getting hard for me to stay focus... i am afraid i carried myself too far in enjoying myself..

i do try as hard as i can be, but i don't know whether it is that important anyway, i am getting bored of it already.

it bugs me so much, that i havent grown myself yet, and for some reason i am stucked the way i am right now.

i wanted to evolve myself so that i can really get through with everyting, but then i couldn't do so.

i suddenly realize how far apart i am to some of the person beside me. so far that we attract each other.

ok i really don't get it what i wrote anyway.

thanks for reading. do please give some comment please...

seriously

2010-01-08T07:23:00.000-08:00

seriously, i think that things would be much better if we tolerate with each other, i had a bad time in trying to do the same thing though.

what's meant to happen will surely happen right, there is no turning back and talking endlessly about it, but one thing for sure, i am hoping for the best for everyone so that the work can be shared with everyone else..

after a week back here and went to most of the introduction class on all the subjects, nothing else to say other than it is hard and needs a lot of time management that i think i will be lacking off if i will not change myself.

tskk, useless to say but yeap.

i am currently asking myself, how much is much, i felt in my situation right now, i am getting very grumpy easily, and it bugs me... well in no time i guess i will really need to control my emotion and not show it off, so then they would not see my true colors, du'uh as if i am so good right..

i wish all the best in doing all the works and hopefully everyone will be enjoying their parts in doing the things....

regrets...

2009-12-23T04:40:00.000-08:00

is it wrong to regret on some things you've done before?

i sometimes think that i should have not get a good score on my first sem, i regret because i hate how people would presume me that i am so good. i hate the feeling of people expecting me to do good in what i do.. it consumes me, it hurts me so bad that i in fact know that i am not that perfect that i do make mistakes.. i hate it so much.. i wanted to do whatever i would love to do and having people to presume me to do something like that, i really really feel uneasy..

maybe it is just me thinking this, but then i am a person who think a lot about people surrounding me and it affects me so bad.. for instance, a person would tell, i expect you to do better then this, taking from your past result, you are a great student, and why? why do you get something so mediocre like this?

i think too much that i made myself to believe that am i that good, will i be able to past myself? deep inside, i am scared, scared to face the fact that i am really losing it.

i am searching what is so different in me today and before, did something lost in the middle of everything?

i think i did lost something, my focus is somewhat shifting, on something. guess i have to put the focus i have before to make myself much more stronger!

well is it a new leaf??

2009-12-14T08:38:00.000-08:00

hehee... would u??

the worst just happen to me... i kinda think that i am losing it... anyway... i really don't think that it matters anyway, guess the first time is pure luck... sometimes i do question myself whether i am worth it or not...

people keep on judging that they think they get the whole picture of who i am and reality is they don't wahahaha...

i really like to do something so out of the ordinary but then again i am just some plain ol' joe who think he knows everything that everyone would just say okay great he done it too... hahaha...

if this matter continue to happen, what would i do anyway, is it normal to feel like you are so down and wanting not to care anymore? what happen happened i guess and there is no turning back. the person i am today.. i do self doubt myself, i wanted to make something that sometimes i feel very out of reach and would i be able to do so..??

and you know what, i guess i am the type who would write what so ever depending on the mood that i am in an thus some people would question what the heck is he trying to convey...

watching and using too much internet suddenly made me realize that we are so consumed with what we think so cool.. well not forgetting that we are so into to make people think that we are so good in everything including giving opinion and thus giving people the benefit of the doubt after reading any comment that been posted... :) at first i am too trying too give opinion but then again i must have my own ways of saying so and sometimes it is inappropriate that made me to be more quiet..

still who am i to say right?

something stupid.

2009-12-09T08:57:00.000-08:00

well its me again, has not been writing for some time due to being busy doing something else. well of course tomorrow would be the result day and i am here, still awake thinking on how is my performance during my last semester, i just could not put it to a clear picture, but it seems that i am losing my touch, have i been playing too much, or because i am not that bright.

you know what, as much as i know, i have been trying too hard but then again i got lost in the middle and doing something else. is it my fault for not getting a good result, i just don't know. i did my best doing all the works that is so important and still my it is mediocre. what the heck..

what i am afraid the most is that i got left in behind of my friends. all of them seems to be doing fine but me, but why? am i one less then them? what makes them so different from me that they are good than me?

i have been trying to find the great formula to get the best of me and as an example, last semester, i lost it, my pointer gone down and i felt really down. why? some parts of me says that its all my fault for not doing as good as i could but then, did everyone put their expectation too high for me and demand me that i MUST do great in all the exam that i enter. i hate the feeling of loser.

as much as i may not look competitive, i too felt a bit down when some of my fellow friends got much better grades than me. it kept me thinking, have i been playing too much that i did not read all the things i should read?

but why? is my brain smaller than theirs? i do have the same brain but then, what affects me is that i have the tendency to forget everything as if i could not register all of the information that i get straight to my brains. the folders just keep deleting itself without any of my permission and that sucks! so bad...... i am not a super human that have a photographic memories and can remember all the things they saw once they read it. i did read it all...

i just wish that i can get good grades thou. i really really, really need it so bad!

i sometimes question myself, why are you doing this to yourself? you got so many things to prove and then u got so carried away and starting to loose focus? is that so? i am not the person i am when i first entered there! what the heck... it seems that i need to rearrange myself more there the next time i went there okay! just remember that.

A Short as i can be

2009-11-23T07:48:00.000-08:00

whether to lie or not, i guess i am obliged to what i think right.. sometimes i blame it on my instinct in doing such stupid action, but then again u like it so much. u like it that u hate it sometimes, how easily u would be falling for that, but why? is that my weakness, i am easy to be used?

i have to admit i sometimes put my friends first and without even thinking in what the outcome would be, but i loved them so much, guess that is how friends works, you gain some and then u lose some right?

i am thankful, so thankful that i manage to meet as much people as i travel to different places, it really opens my eye towards some issues that i think would be hard to be discuss in my place. but come to think, the reason is because most of the are youngsters that are open to everything and some of the people there are just the same as in my place, so its more to like meeting with person that is on the same boat as you are.

dear friends, i know i have not been contacting you lately, but yeap that is who i am, i am the one who is lazy to text and yeap i rarely got any text from you guys too.. so in a way it is fair right? hehehehe :D, no hard feeling guys, i still love the whole lot of you and hopefully we will meet... :D

hello world.... hehehe.

2009-11-18T06:14:00.000-08:00

it has been months since my entry on my blog..

haven't got the time to put my mind on a form of words... but yeap.. here i go...

it shocked how many people are using facebook right now... but it really happen.. guess people really got into what they call globalization, the world become smaller, and people can be connected on the tip of their finger... wow. fun.. even in my place. i can say almost 60-70 percent of the people are using facebook, ranging from 16-40++ years old.. i felt very odd about this, it seems that facebook is sweeping the nation. even i myself have to admit that i am a facebook freak.

facebook is addicting... everyone at any age really can find something to relate to this social network. guess facebook have their strength and all. what i got bored about what happening to my facebook, is that people are really spoken to their words out, and for me, my facebook are for fun and connecting with people who knows me.

i got so bored of reading all the so called comment that is so "informative" and all.. its just not me, hahahaha, i really don't get it why must they get so serious about all of this, everything is just fine for me... :D

btw i love u guys!!! cheers and stay connected to facebook :D.. stay cute!!!!

If i must say

2009-09-28T11:59:00.000-07:00

Well to start things off, I am getting so much busy lately, with my club’s activity and all… omg, and what I hate the most is that, I’m starting to question myself. Am I being true to myself lately? I realized that I am starting to play a lot, distracted by time and the urges of getting an instant pleasure that suddenly when I realized it; it is too late for me to turn back.
Never intended to be like that, but I am the type of person who really like to be pleasing myself and after that, will ask himself, what is the point anyway? Still I have a lot of fun I must say.
Question, how far do you know me as a person? Did I relate to your life? Did I do something that could change the course of your life? Have I affected you somehow?
I have to say, after leaving Ranau, I have met with a lot of different people, that in my point of view are very colorful, so much so that each of them really bring something to the table. Sometimes it gets me so much, but most of the time, it was happiness when they are around.
Or maybe because they’re the one who changed me to become someone who is different from who I am before, a shy person who would only talk to his close netted friends. I love everyone! No matter where you guys are right now, you’re the best!!! Hehehe
I remembered a scene in Grey’s Anatomy, where it talks about, how people would grow up and would find their own sets of friends, their “tribe” the one who understands them, so much that they know and would love to share a bit of their hearts and would believe in whatever you’re doing. Have I found mine? That is the question, and my answer would be I guess I’m in the midst of searching. But I love them so much! Friendship comes and goes, and I am cherishing all of this moment right now. In the hope that they would be same also, let’s get together!

Friends, I am wishing all of you, a Happy Eid Mubarak, I love you guys!!!

if i could only smile...

2009-08-11T01:09:00.000-07:00

i don't know if jealousy is something that is bad nor good..
dubbed as one of the deadly sins.. guess god created it for a reason.
i don't whether to label myself as one, but then again, i am admitting that i am one jealous person.. just don't know..

owh ya.. i forgot.. last night, was my meeting with all the old komed members.. come to think about it again. i quite suprise that i myself not that keen on being the YDP and stuff, although all the juniors are eager to be one.. hehehe good for the..

the funny thing is that.. i don't know, but they looked so rehearsed, that this one girl.. said.. something about... "tipu lah if they said that they don't one to be YPD" but then again, yeap u'll always will hear people using that words.. but its kinda bored... yeah it is true, but do you really have to say that? guess not right?

Oh gosh, does that counts as trashing other people? sorry dear it's just what i think and i don't think it is bad.. just that... it gets me sometimes...... and someone said again, i am so close with all my batch, the thing is we were in the different class, and if i could only be on the same class with them i would love to work with them... awww.. such sweet words..... but reality is so good to be true.. not all people would love to work with you,

even me myself.. i don't think that so many people would eager to be in the same group as i do.. guess what.. the world does not revolves on us... sometimes all the "i can do it, i would do better" just don't work when the whole world are against you...

so in advance i would love to say, i'm sorry if this thing that i said somehow made you feel angry.....

but i think, this is my way of saying to myself to be much more better and try to reevaluate myself to be much more better....

p/s, gosh.. would you believe it!! last month i just got a year older... 22 years old already.. hahahaha... lame... and i am still acting as if i am 17... hehehe.. guess you inner-self really stay young for a long time is it??

Been thinking a lot...

2009-07-27T01:05:00.000-07:00

i know.. i have not been writing my blog for a long time, guess i was busy doing nothing and also have nothing to write, sending my apologies to anyone who read my blog for not updating it for so long.. btw, guess it all in the news that my campus was one of the first to be closed due to the infection of H1N1, so i went to Layang-Layang, located at kluang johore for the whole week. did nothing much therer. although i did some traveling to Batu Pahat and Johor Bahru... it was so much fun there. although yeap people would say, going to KL is much more fun... maybe.. haven't got the chance to stay there, although i have so many cousins living there... i manage to take some picture there, but mostly the picture is so OTT, that i think that people would laugh at it... hahaha including me... going such places did give me an insight in how people would be living and how culture do differ in places.....

thanks for letting me stay in your house radzi!! i do love you place so much... and if one time you could come to my place it would be fun i think... hehehe

what shocked me the most this week is the death of Allahyarhamah Yasmin Ahmad, one of the best director in malaysia as i may say. Life to has it end for everyone, and everyone have to accept it one day...

sometimes i do question about life, what is our real purpose to live, as a muslim of course we live in the hope that day after we died, we would have the real happiness from Allah S.W.T. but for me i think that, it is something more, we were given time here to find love, friends, enemies and it is neverending.... a life is like a long walk, where you will found everything in the road. but for what? it is inevitable...

take for instance, you are meeting with someone else, and then suddenly you disappeared, then would the person would be thinking about you? the same way as you would during your friendship time? some may but some not.

2 months of holiday is over...

2009-06-24T19:36:00.000-07:00

gosh, going back there again.. yay.. what would be like this sem?

firstly, of course new coordinator maybe will be heading the program, will be waiting who would it be..

also, my 2nd ramadhan there, fasting about a month there, fun i hope... hoping to get back home during the syawal...

what i hate going back there is that, i have to endure a long journey, from the airport to malacca, that's so far..

btw friends, don't be suprised with what you would see the changes in me... i think i gained some weight again.. lol

ok till then, praying for a safe journey ahead and seeing all my friends there... :D

love you all!!!

thank you..

2009-05-19T22:19:00.000-07:00

it really gets me.. sometimes i wonder what would i be doing later on. people are so eager to finish their study and the go the working sector.

is it bad for someone to be envious of people who already achieve what they wanted to, i mean for the to be working and having all the money that they can have. as for me, i think what bothers me the most is the fact that i still don't any planned future yet. everything so unclear to me. finishing this, i won't be able to immediately have job instead i have to fight for a place in the industry that i think very demanding. unlike me, most of my friends are choose the career that i think really would make their future so bright.

people sometimes question other people's choices in life, thinking that it would be better for them to do something else. everyone is trying to do something in their life that would be beneficial for them in the future, even if that means to put their personal interests aside.

is it wrong for people to do something more different from that? although yes for sure there would be so many problems that might happen, i'm the type of person who is maybe very shy but i don't think that people should question other people's choice right?

what i happen to realize that, when people done something fairly different, they would be talk across the town saying that its better for him/her to do something else. people would only be thinking about the money itself. yeap i do notice nowadays money becomes more very important, but i really hate that just because of that you have to take the easiest way to do things in life.

but really, who don't want money right. but life is not that easy. i learned from hardest and i think that people who got to what they are now is pretty much lucky. me on the other hand are not that lucky to be able to be workingi n the young age. but then again i think it require a lot of guts and passion to do such things.. and i hope that whatever i do, it would be something that i would really love to do.. hehehe..

starting my holiday....

2009-05-16T03:38:00.000-07:00

yeah... holiday just started for me. almost a week at home. fun. and at the same time i don't know what to do. its going to be some short holiday when you think about it again. what bugging me is that, i got nothing to do. wanted so bad to buy something but then i don't have any money.

forbidden to work, i try as much to lessen my usage of money.

omg, i feeling so nervous when i think about what is my result for this sem going to be, is it going to be good? the chances are very low........ but yeap just keep a positive attitude right?

anyway, its good going back, and suddenly i saw so many changes going on, whether it is for the good or bad. so many thing happens... don't know what to expect later on.. till then.. bye. :D

ok two more left this sem...

2009-04-28T04:31:00.000-07:00

hey... omg people. i was so happy that my exam paper would be finish in about two more weeks.. the gap is pretty big.. so i think that i would still have time to study everything... but the thing is.. i'm so freaking missing home right now, and plus my ears is killing me...

i'm in such a pain, and hopefully i could stand it.. was it meant to be this painful??

anyways... i dunno. but right now i'm very consumed wif playing games an all.. and my paper is not that very far.... gotta get things straight...... hopefully i wont be playing games too much.. hehehe...

a week without assignments... hehehe

2009-04-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

well at last it is over.. the sem is almost finished and yep.. no more assignment.. can't wait to go back home.. hehehe

btw.. i think this sem is rather hectic and i'm more emotional disturbed than before.. wahahah... so many things happen and thus i really so tired already.. don't even mention about my room... it so dirty that i think my friend are quite disappointed with me.. my cloths is everywhere, my bed is so messy u can even see all the book on it.. hahahaha whatever.. when i am lazy i can be so lazy.

if you guys know.. well this sem i was one of the comittee for the photo gallery, which of course were the worst as said by most of the lecturers.. what can i say, it is the worst, i think in term of ht eway is is been done.

i know that there is nothing that can be done to unde what has happen, but for me, they had tried so hard so that the event would go on as good as it can. lack of control and time management i think it one of the big causes of this problem, and that is what the most of the committee members is lacking.

every excuses seems to be a way to put the blame on others, and for me the best way is to accept it to be and move on...

it affected me so much that i don't know whether i would be able to do any events in the future and whether people would believe in me..

i totally got to see the true colours of some of my friends until now, and i think that it is normal for people to act that way, noting that i don't even know their background or life outside right?? hehehe... so what.. i respect them as they respected me... right?? hoohoho hopefully..

can't wait to go home.. hehehe... i'm hoping for the best this final exam and still will be able to get good grades... wish me k??? :D daa~

a week before holiday..

2009-04-06T03:53:00.000-07:00

well this is the last week for me to do my study, and after that, of course its holiday!! yay.. but for god sake, can someone help me to do my works please.. hehehe.. cuz there is so much more to be done..

what the heck, how am i suppose to get the best when all i do is getting it done a the very last minutes? hahahaha who cares right... hehehe...

anyhow.. there is something occurs to me during sometime this morning. i been wondering.. what type of blog should i do? there so much more that can be written down, but i've been only writing more about emotion and nothing else.. i'm quite interested in writing something so serious but then again i don't got the urge to get all the information unless i'm so very interested in it.. hahahaha.. who cares right? well i'll be thinking more about it in the future.. busy busy.. hehe daa~

opss...

2009-03-28T22:04:00.000-07:00

omg!!! the sem is almost over. and still have so many assignment have to be handed in.. wow... what a joke right?

that is what you got when you do something without heart and soul in it.. lol ok cheers everyone!!!

working like robots.....

2009-03-05T03:35:00.000-08:00

humph.. guess it got tougher right.
just went for my group's interview with the editor of berita harian, well it is so much fun until u realize that there's a lot left to be done.

what else should i do then, rather than trying to finish all my assignments and sleeping my whole day off? gotta think on doing something else. something that i can really enjoy.

been spending too much cash man, and still a lot of things to pay. man! i really in dire state of a good shopping. shopping what? i really don't care at least it can be something that i really love.. clothing and etc.

sometimes it occurs to me, why is it that i continue to study when in reality i could just be working right now, guess i've been hearing so much about people getting all the money that they want, and me still having to depend on my parents for money.

well guess that's the life for me.. right

man.. i dunno, what would it be this sem. below 3.5? i'm totally stressed out right now.. even the BEL is so hard.

anyone.. help me!

i guess

2009-02-21T04:17:00.000-08:00

if living can be easy like eating. surely life would be boring.

if living can be assume to be simple, then why do god create emotion just to bother us?

what is the prize for the winner again? is there any?

i think it is child's play. grow up people!

life as it happens to me

2009-02-04T02:46:00.000-08:00

gotta say,

i did have fun during my week of holidays.. went to some places that i never been before and that is so totally new to me. seeing friends of a friends really opened my eyes that i never thought that i would make good friends with them.

btw, i went to johor during that week, sometimes it feels like home but then again i was really wishing that i could be on my own home. doing what i like the most. onlining of course (haha or people would say, no life)... i like it though..

totally been missing my dirty bed at home.. hahaha

right now i feel as if time really slowing down.. not that i don't have anything to do, it's just that i somehow really missing home right now... so much.. a total different from the last 2 sems i was here before. huh... and don't get me started wif the subjects and all... omg!!

if you asked me, what have i gain there at johore, what i would say is, there's a lot of places that caught my attention. i maybe a person who prefers to see all the people and would like to see their action, but then again people got so busy with their own life.

i manage to go to the beach during my days there, btw, it is like an hour to go there, and of course what i ride to go there was only a motorcycle.... hahahahaha fun though but at the same time i feel so in a dangerous position.. omg! the road was nice enough to be straight but what i'm afraid was the cars that was so fast...

got back to the campus on friday, and arriving here, i got so frustrated with so many things, a lot..... not only i was broke.. i'm emotionally unstable at that time. so true man, i guess that what's you get when you are a 'yes man' always saying yes to people when all you can say no to them just for once...

got in to a Photography camp on saturday till sunday (more likely a 24 hour camp)...... where i found it quite interesting and somehow feel so bored at some times.. hahahaha

learned a lot on how to use a DSLR camera, but no that very great photographer though.... that's the first time my whole class act as classmates...

btw, if you know me, am i a person who is hard to get close to?

hehe k dude. gtg.. daaa!~

holidays and works..

2009-01-23T05:11:00.000-08:00

it is true that holiday may never be saparated...

god.. less than one week, and a lot of things to be done.. i dunno whether i'd be able to finish the works by then..

going to johore this holiday.. what is cool there anyway? anyone have any idea? hurmm lol.. guess i'm up to something that surely new to me... hohoho lets just wait and see whether johore have something to offer to me.. wanna see new things though...

already rented a camera for the whole sem, and some of my friends said it's so expansive.. talking that you could buy a lot of things with the money and all but the thing is, non of the are able to help me whenever i need help (though i never really wanted any help from them right now)....

been seeing people's blog lately, and they are an avid blogger i must say, always have something to write on.. hehe.. and here i am, stucked in writing things that became spikes in my head.

just opened my friendster today, got a lot of messages from my friends, hehehe thanks guys, i already sent you my reply, hoping that you would be reading them...

here's what is important to be this coming holiday:

1. individual assignment: a. graphic
b. PR
c. CTU

hope i could manage it before my holiday ends..

btw i was so eager on learning photography today, but then, suddenly the class got cancelled, man!!!! i was so annoyed....

people... get this, i'm a person who contains a lot of shy juices inside my body, so don't mistake me for being such an arrogant brat...

i'm trying hard to learn more about this blogging thingy.. and hoping that by the time i would be able to change anything that is related to this.. hahah lets hope so k.. so by then.. seeya!!

happy CNY everyone.....

the haunting tasks....

2009-01-16T04:03:00.000-08:00

this sem of course would be a sem where, we are going to do a photography gallery, which of course a very hard task to do, my friends and of me, we are trying to make it as good as possible, well looking from the pasts, they done quite good works, and i don't know whether i would be able to give what the event would really want....

i made a deal with myself that i try to take some responsibility this sem, and i guess this event is one of my ways to get myself started. i totally don't know whether i'll be up to do those things, although i enjoy to have some responsibility.

the fact is, right now, i'm in the midst of not having the urges to read nor study, i kindda got lost in the way of learning... the subjects made me feel so unable to do, while the rest of my friends are getting so good on it.. gosh am i become lost here. again for the second time around, after failing your stpm? i trying so hard not to repeat it but then again, what am i suppose to do when all i do are not as higher no better then the rest?

adding to that... guess what, i'm admitting that i can't control spending my money. Omg... for what? i also don't know.. heheheh well nevermind then, time for me to go.. later guys!

happy i assume?

2009-01-12T19:48:00.000-08:00

well been here for almost three weeks already...

assignments? well there's a lot already!!! and seems like, i totally don't have any idea in what to do this sem, wow! coming from a sort of good students, that's gotta be meaning something isn't it!! la la la... i totally don't know whether this would be the end for me..

i think i did something so bad this sem.. so bad, that i regret in doing that!! well, i always known for spending money for nothing, not that it's new to me.

either way, wanna learn more about anything this time, i'm trying to devote my free time in reading many books and yeap socializing, which is a very hard thing to do, unless you are someone who have friends everywhere!

i know it's gonna sound so last year but, yeap i just started watching what they call "gossip girls" and yeap, i have to admit it, it's addicting, seeing some spoiled chicks and brats. yeap.. it's all that a viewer eager to see. lol... guess that what teenagers and late teenagers would likely to watch anyways... hahahah right?

this year, i'm thinking of doing something that is so not me, trying to give something to people, love i assume? or what aeh?

cannot make my mind, what to do?

trying to get a lot of good pics for my assignmnet, and yeap. dunno when or where i could get one, usually right, people would say that, try to think in a different ways.. ok! i'll try.

i think i'm still not concentrating in my studying! so many things are playing in me.. friends can sometimes be very distracting.. OMG, and i am spending so much when i went out with them! a lot! hahahaha what to be changed?

really trying to depend on my own here, but sometimes really am bothering my pa and ma.... that's hard man! when you don't have any experiences in doing anything on your own... la la la la.... god bless!

gosh i totally need to plant my roots here. try to be more clear that i'm just some ordinary dude, who has nothing but the heart to spare.. lol!!! hahahaha ok then time for me to go.. will be updating real soon, hahaha for what anyway right!! it's not like people would be reading this over and over again!!

hahahaha later!! daaa~ thanks for reading btw!

result out already...

2008-12-18T03:19:00.000-08:00

alas, the result is out, have to say, i did pretty well although yeap not as good as last sem, manage to get DL this sem also, but yeap.. again it's lower than last, 3.65..

i'm somewhat upset but yeap, what else to do, it's not like you can change it anymore, gosh, how come i only could get that high... some of my friends did pass me.. so guess i'm not that clever after all.. lol...

at some point my ego self is somewhat hurted but, my family did say, it is good enough.. why must you feel down..

what makes me feel that way is that i sometimes feel burden with people's expectation, the truth is i'm not that good when i'm in my school years.. people may never know that.

did i played too much last sem? i don't think so, i did do as good as i could but what the heck, the 2 subjects that i got B is so hard i think

this thus made me question myself, am i good enough to be a journalist? if i'm not good with writing then it must be hard for me to be writing something that people want to read right?

next sem might be challenging for me, gotta travel a lot and yeap doing a more difficult assignment... guess just have to wait and see then right??

so for everyone, congrats on your result...

p/s: i'm reminding myself to be greatful on what i achieved... :D

getting angry all of the sudden.......

2008-12-12T17:33:00.000-08:00

to say the least, i never know what my heart wanted actually....

the thing is i kind of got lost somewhere when it comes to certain things, for what actually? i totally don't know, if to say that your jealous of someone, its so totally true but then again what would you gain by doing so? nothing... i mean, really, nothing... even if you feeling that, then not doing anything so what? lol, i think it is better for you to just leave it behind and just accept who you are. you are not someone who's a poser trying to be known by anyone, just as far in the internet world. adding friend is just a click of a mouse away, but really? its really hard to know the real persona of the person, just by viewing the pictures and then reading some of what they wrote may never get you the full view of the person at all.... so why on earth do you have to be feeling jealous at all.

at least in the real life you have friends who would likely to know you and then befriend or enemy to you.. lol

but guess for now, life is more complicated and people are racing go get more friends on the internet. and i must admit, being one is really hard, what are there for the race anyway, nothing..... but after thinking for a long time, who cares, no one gonna be asking you, how many friends do you have, even if they ask you, do all the friends that added you would be giving you any kind of warm messages when you truly need it.. in my case, i admit that it's hard for me to give comments to them, just because i'm not the person who would like to make the first move even with my friends....

god, please banish all kind of bad things that has in me.. just for the sake for the future, i really wanted the best for me, even if it's mean not so good to other people...

something got into me...

2008-12-11T01:10:00.000-08:00

what bothers me the most is that, when i started to think about something, i can't stop.

my mind will randomly think what would happen to me. not that it is a bad thing, but sometime i will think differently and people may perceive it as a not good thing to do.... well what to do anyway, it's not like they are controlling my mind anyway, gotta learned to adapt and find a different ways in connectiong in people..

in my case i have found a lot of different people which in fact have given in input on how that may see the world and try to compare it to me.

one grimming fact is that, they tend to control others, and wanted people to follow on foot with them, people do live that way right?

other thing is that, people are such a poser, it's a lingo that people so stucked up in myspace, friendster, facebook and anything that is an interent relationship website, people will try to be who they are not, kind of like their alter-ego. for me as an addict in such, i sometimes think as if it's so not there, i been able to switch onto my alter-ego, which indeed a warm person who can mingle to anyone, but when you see me in a real situation, a may be a little bit shy and may be quiet person, if i may not know you, but for my friends, i think that they have a clear picture on who i am, the person whom i may be.

but what is inside, it is hard to understand, whether they are happy around me or not, take for example, a friend of mine suddenly having a cold shoulder on me, for what reason, i really don't know. god would only know what i have done to him. maybe, just maybe, i did something bad to him, but then again compared to what he done to me, its far more serious (at least in my p.o.v). this coming study semester would be so hard, knowing that i have to rely on friends that i crossed and thus making a bad impression on them, or them growing to hate me. it bugs me! how sometimes i fail to be as good as they can.

friends if you are reading this, just tell me, am i that bad? a bad person who have a different side of faces and wanting to have just the right kind of friends who are popular and well known just for the sake of popularity? am i such a person?

true meaning of holiday.....

2008-11-28T07:08:00.000-08:00

well some may say, holiday is the time for you to relax, chill out and do the things you really like to do. right? but then again, when you got used in doing so many works at one time, you may feel as if your are quite bored with the idea of doing nothing in a whole day.

guess holiday is not that fun anymore, lol. until you realize that you've been overdoing yourself and somewhat missing home so dearly. am i right...

it's already at the end of the year. i never felt that a year went that fast, adding to that i've been already a year doing my program at malacca. a year seems to be so short..

so many things happen whether it is fun or sad. even now, i feel and nervous thinking what my result would be for my second semester. dear god, may i have a decent result k.

somehow i feel as if i'm turning into a new leaf. new friends that i met really opened my eyes in seeing things in a different ways. back home you might only found friends that maybe have the same background of you.. and you feel safe for that, because you know you in a right environment, but try, try being in a place that is totally not yours and you are all by yourself. trying to adapt to what you should... all of this takes time and guts.

back home during my holidays really got me thinking that once you're back, you're just the same as your are before, places my change but the people you touch may never change, friends who are close to you will always be there, smiling and greeting you as if you never left them.

hey guys, how are you? great i hope?

i'm so kind of stressful in thinking what i might do after finishing all this? having a decent job is what i prefer, but then again you may never know what may happen. that really scares me, it's not like i'm not searching, but guess god have a better plan for me.

i sometime envy them, my friends who already got in to work, guess they are much lucky right. what is right for me anyway? what does life holds for me?

ok.. thanks for reading.. love your guys so dearly

uncertainty

2008-11-25T06:40:00.000-08:00

i hate this when things like this happen, it's not the first time it happen to me, and it makes me sick... if i did do something wrong then tell me, why do you have to keep it to yourself?

if you think that i let you down, then just tell me the truth and leave me, just say "enough" and leave me... isn't it much more easier?

rather than hurting yourself more, how bout letting yourself free from me.......

how do you know when you're in the right place?

2008-11-23T01:27:00.000-08:00

hurmm i always asked myself the question, are you one of them? and do you really think that you really as one as them?

i don't know, but sometimes, i feel as if i'm a wannabe, a lunatic who's trying to gain acceptence in a way, but i guess, i held something back..... i quickly learned that i am just who i am....

i love getting to know people, but then again, i don't know what people may say about me, they maybe making fun of me and yeap i didn't even realize about it.

gosh, i maybe that naive, right?

plus so shy, i know, yeap, someone who saw me, might be seeing me just putting my heads down, or maybe just walking straight not even glazing to my left nor right....

yeap, i sometimes feel as if i'm getting strange gaze from people, and i don't know how to react, not that i really don't like to see people, when i see people directly, i tried to be friendly and yeap give a smile, that's it, dunno what else to do..

ok next years resolution is..... to be more friendly.... hahahaha...... support me!

the day after arriving..

2008-11-20T05:46:00.000-08:00

i arrived home yesterday, and it's so totally cold with all the rain..

hurmm i don't know even here it's been raining.. how bout your place, is it been raining??

it's so weird when i'm on a holiday, i got used doing all the assignments last minute and yeap rushing to read all the things before the quizes and tests... lol

eitherway, i would ask, what would change your perception to others?

guess some of my friend suddenly hate me, i don't know, have i bruised them or what?? if i did, then tell me why, so i could give my reason and even say sorry for even causing that.

lol anyway.. urmm i totally don't know what to do, so, if you got any idea on what should i do during my holidays, why don't share it with me. alright?

mistakes.... changes.... life - in the eyes of me?

2008-11-12T06:19:00.000-08:00

well... well.... well... it never occurs to me to be writing on something like this, but i guess my brain really wants to be telling something that bothers me for a long time, what is the meaning of mistakes?? can it be mended? can it be turned back the way around?

mistakes......

as a human being i indeed have been doing a lot of mistakes that i think are unmendable, i hurted some people and i guess karma had played it parts to me.. i guess i take people to much for granted and it never occurs to me to be just who i am, a big mistake that i should have avoided, pardon me everyone if i evey cause you any kind of problems. but life has always been like that, we mingled around, joke around, and at the end of the day we completely forget about others and just think about ourselves. i really don't know what to do, somebody just told me that i am so selfish and thinks that others are no good around me, did i? it is the most dreadful things that i am trying so hard to avoid looking bad at others, did i do it to anybody, i can say to myself that i have the tendency to correct others but that's just me. i don't know if it is bad..... what should i d then, just keep quiet and let the problem to be swept away... may be i am a perfectionist, in a way, of wanting to get something that is perfect in front of my eyes, when instead i sometimes did mistakes, a lot of mistakes, and i hardly ever going to tell everyone about it.

i have the tendency to keep it to myself, as long as others don't know about it, sometimes i feel as i am thrown in a no man's land. i am alone with myself, friends are all around be but still have a hard shell covering around me, i don't know but i want to somehow make a hole in my shell, a small hole so that i can relate others to me.

i have a lot of things to hide, a lot... and i don't know until when i could hide it under my sleeves..

changes........

yeap its been almost a year since i've been studyin here, a guess what, i can feel that i in a different line between my friends back home, everyone have their own life to live now, some of the even are already working right now, and i am struggling to be what i want to be, i want to do, i guess i choose the road that is least walked on by people, and i am going to be in a different and not so like them in a way.

i feel as if i went back in time and befriended all the youngsters again here, as you have know, most of diploma students here are aged on their late teens or may i say, 18-20, and i, i am going to be 22 next year, and most of the said that i am a complete child than they are. well... what to do, that's their mindset right?? but then again, some of them are as old as me, and i can completely turned the table around and talk to a more serious business when the time came for me to do such things... i do right???

a week of study and boredom

2008-11-09T23:00:00.000-08:00

gosh.. i got about 8 days gap before my final paper this sem and yeap, i got nothing to do here.... almost all of my friend will be going back home earlier that me.. that sucks man!!!!! my paper is on the last day of the sem, just like last sem...

about my human comm paper last sunday, hurm i don't know. either i did it well or completely made it as a mess... not only i got my brain jam on the final, i manage to forget some of the things that i have read for about 4 days straight!!!! that's just not fair.... ughh and after doing the paper i got so many butterflies in my stomcah, i want to hurl what inside of me....

i don't know whether my pointer will be good or turning out to be so bad this sem....

my last paper would be introduction to mass media, and guess what, i have a lot to cover.. still not started my reading yet....

i manage to borrow a novel from the library and in the midst of reading it.. by john grisham, the last juror,

kind of a thriller book, some how the book seems to be so humane in time i'm reading it, the writer manage to tell a detail story about the case.. it is my first time reading books about crime actually and i kind of like it... really want to finish reading the book...

can't wait to go home, but then again, i am afraid of going home alone to KL.... la la la la....

wish me luck for my final paper k...

god... i'm am bored??

2008-11-07T02:33:00.000-08:00

well 2 paper left to finish, then straight back home.... hehehehe

still there is so much problems to be settled....

and a lot more to come i think.... so what to do?? even getting back home is such a pain in the ass... god.. why can't things be that easier?? ughhh i don't know guess these problems wants be to become more independent... hahahaha yeah!!! independent, here i come!!!

Afraid of what?

2008-11-04T09:36:00.000-08:00

What I like the most with people is to watch who their really are. I’ve been here in what they say the most beautiful, up to date places and every other things and I think that they lost a lot of human touches in them, we became so very desperate for something that is not tangible and out of our reach. I feel as if I have been seeing too much lost in them, especially when you see them to be changing drastically in such a short time, for what? Something that is good for a short while?

Maybe I am a person who hates changes but, for god sake, how can someone just change themselves when they are in other places. The distraction that they found got to them. I don’t know let’s wait and see whether I would be a person who would likely be that. But really I don’t want to be like that.

I would like to raise a question here, for you what do you think hold you together her? And for me I have to say that my love for my parents. I know I’ve been a bad bad boy for sometimes. But really what holds me back to reality is that my parents are my priority. God.. what am I saying.. people are not that perfect okay…

Is that the price for the sake of coolness, am I loosing it too? I feel same? I’m not growing any horns or tails though, am i?

So the real thing is that, please god, don’t let me change for no reason, let me be me, although I’m not that cool at least let me have my pride please….

The fact is that change is undeniable….. learn to assimilate and stay true to yourself.

almost at the end of the 2nd semester..

2008-10-25T20:35:00.000-07:00

wow.. it feels like it just started about a week ago.. omg.. and now its time for my final exam for the 2nd semester..

i just can't believe it, how will it be for me this time?? can i get the result as good as i got for last sem? the difference is that, this sem, i feel as if i am a little bit off of the track and my test are not that impressive... what to do? what to do?

this whole weekend was so hectic that i was so afraid that i would miss my final test on sunday. gosh, thank god i manage to wake up early as i could..

both of my final paper, for writing 4 the mass media and also public speaking was so hard because i don't read that much for both of it.. god only know what would the result be..

i been listening to some malaysian indie songs from xfresh.fm and i am quite impress with it.. wow... i must say.. malaysia really got talents!!! they do.. my friend, an indie-addict really like it.. hohohoho.. nice, i can know a lot from her right.

can't wait for the holliday... hehehe.. what to do? should i work or just stay at home. my mom maybe will be going to plant some rubber tree of their piece of land.. hahaha should i join them, it's like years that i went there, and omg, i went there recently and the road was, as steep as it could be.. hahahaha.. i was so tired.. adding that it was on the fasting month.. hahaha.... i dont know. if my mother ask me to join them, that i am toasted...

sorry so much for the late update on my blog.. but yeap that is the life of a student isn't it.. hahaha.. wat to do... la la la la...

can't wait to go home.. till then.. bye... hahaha

human after all.....

2008-10-12T07:07:00.000-07:00

well, just to get your attention rather, been pretty busy this week. but during the weekend.. i manage to get a full sleep.. hehehe

i been thinking lately, i always been asked what would you do in the future and i think i completely don't know the answer.. whether i would do the things that i really like or i have to do the jobs that i thinks are beneficial to me.. when i think of it.. what on earth would i be leaving in later on.. will people would remember me, as a friend, as someone who is close to them. would they still be with me. through thick and thin of what we call life is.

sometimes i regret myself very much that i don't do things fully-hearted... what's more is that i'm stuck in what they called a very childish-like personality. which sometimes i really like and sometimes totally hate myself for. but really wat is the price for being what they called "mature".........

a week later...

2008-10-11T01:04:00.000-07:00

i arrived at malacca about a week ago.. almost to be precise, the next morning the whole class for the day was cancelled... huhhh.. thats gud... hehehehe well its good though...

after that.. come a week of agony, finishing all the assignment that i totally left out for a week.. on wednesday, i done my public speaking. i manage to finish my speech before tuesdays. gosh it's so nerve wrecking.. omg.... hehehehe

i manage to do slightly better than my first speech i think, though i would never know what my lecturer would say.. hehehe....

then on thursday.. my group manage to finish the assignment that was suppose to be sent next week.. although it's a good news... it still need a lot of adding to do... hehehehe well ok then... please bare with me, because i don't have the time to update my blog everyday. i have to update it whenever i could.. so please bare with me. thankss.. daaa~

came back to Malacca

2008-10-07T03:42:00.000-07:00

well this week i have to say i feel i kinda bored. with all the assignment that i have to do and have not done anything yet. tomorrow on wednesday i have a public speaking and i just manage to finish it. and the outcome? totally don't know. ughh.. i totall hate this last minutes work thingy!! i totally miscalculated my times and suddenly i'm stucked with so many works and seems like it will never finish... gosh what should i do?? hahahaha i'm laughing to my self..

slmat hari raya

2008-10-01T02:55:00.001-07:00

actually i arrived at home since saturday, but then i kind of lazy to update my blog at that time, i arrived at 00.15 somthing sunday midnight.. well the journey was like so fun, i took a bus from malacca, which is my first time since i studied there, wow, there was a lot of people. so many that when i arrived at bukit jalil. i was so freaked out, don't know where to go,

eh, forgot to tell that i went back with a friend, Min from sarawak... hurmm and a girl also from sarawak whom we met right after leaving the bus. we then took the rapid kl,

from what i can see from there, is that, people seems to be minding their own business, the place is overcrowded with people doing what they want to do...

we went for shopping at kl sentral, which is of course, the final stop before i went to LCCT, we walked around there for hours before we got bored and went straight to LCCT..... i manage to buy something to take home but yeap its not that very important.

sitting like 2 hours and half, got me so bored... it's like you're stucked in a box. where u cant even move a muscle. thank god i sat at the very left side and got a view from the window.......... well it's dark anyway.

what i can compile in a week of holiday is that i didn't do any works. really i didn't even touch that damn book of mine. ugh been really busy about raya and everything. i give you the full detail later if i have time to spare.. llalala anyway happy raya everyone.. thank god fasting month is over.!!!!

can't wait......

2008-09-24T20:14:00.000-07:00

well.. it's thursday, almost the end of the week, gosh can't wait to go back. but as they say, never anticipate too much about one thing, just take them as they are.

hurmm just been given money to go back.. what should i do with it?? shopping? where? kl? kk? hurm what should i buy? a bag? a cheap bag? hahahaha... i totally don't know for now, i really need some new clothings, hurmm yeap.. it's not enough..

but then again i can use it for other things right? savings? hurmm i'll think about it...

my holliday is too short for me, and the works!!! OMG don't even get me started, there's a lot to be done. i mean a lot!!!!

it will never be like a true holidays anyway, just that i missed home so much, my pc at home, my games my books to read.. will a week be enough?? hopefully right??

last night there was a major event, my college where i live, went of a 'mercun' war with the college next to mine. it's was so cool!! firecrackers flying everywhere, even the pak guard suddenly went there, to take action.. hahahaha..

i went to sleep right after sahur, which means about 4.30 pm something, i'm starting to sleep late lately. i guess i think too much. about what? hurmm not sure. a case of human emotion suddenly bursting inside of me..

hurmm.. i try to contact .......... but ........ didn't reply, nor i can't call ......... but why? ...... phone broke?? guess that's the reason.....

hurmm i am scared about this, is this the right choice that i made? but what will happen?

but then again.. i'll just go with the flow and see what will happen..

wish me a safe journey back ok...

slmat hari raya everyone, duit raya for me??? thanks.....

i've been thinking.......

2008-09-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

well i've been reading a lot of articles regarding how blogs should be written, and it seems that i still don't get what i should write for my articles, everything is all jumbled up, and mostly all of my entry are about my emotional status at the moment.... not that it invovle others, just that i don't have the heart to tell everyone that owh i'm in deep trouble right now.. and i need to be alone....

i completely greatful that all of them accept me as a friend, but i guess that just it.. the rest it's up to both party to keep a good relationship among them. and right now, me myself cannot escape from having such problems... thus making friendship hard to be defend....

well i guess people got their own ways in deciding their very own clan where they can rule anyone that they want to... hehehehe

your honest opinion. have i been an annoying person? the one that always got to everyone's nerves. and honestly does anyone know me that very much? so much that they can even tell more than 10 true things about me?

guess none of them know me that very well.. but at least i'm capable in making them happy for the moment.

what i really want today is, a lot of phone credit.. so that i can call someone in a long time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahaha having no credit on your phone is like, seeing a lollipop, but you can't taste it!!! ughhhh it's so annoying!!!!!!

a lot of sweet and sour candy...............

2008-09-19T09:34:00.000-07:00

well to tell the truth this week, there's just too much things happen to me, a lot! a lot of assgnmnet still to be finish and friends that suddenly have a sour faces on them, got my mid-term result for human comm on monday, well i just manage to get a moderate marks, 70/100 well that's what you got when you don't put your heart and soul to it? is it? i did study but yep, my mind just dont help me during that time i guess, my temporary file didn't became what suppose to be a long term memory.. hahahah god.. help me!! totally don't know what would happen to during my final test later on...

the rest of the days just goes by as usual nothing really big happen to me, just that guess there bound to be some mis-communication between friends right, sometimes, i wonder, what are the criteria that a good friend should have?? urghh, i'm not trying to make matter so much worst but really i myself not a very completely good person, inside me there are still a negative persona that wanted to be let out, that i manage to took care.. but still they manage to slip out and yeap that's what you see in me,

last week though, i was told that i was just 'copy-pasting' for my assignment, which struck me so deep! i didn't manage to get hold of it and use my brain to sort the matter right, instead i got to with my feeling and got so low self-esteem......

what's the point of doing a blog when no one is reading it?? well i think i know the answer, i s not that i wanted everyone to read my blog, but i hope that by doing a blog, i can manage to let all my stress out in studying here, i guess i'm not that person who would like to share almost everything about me to some person that i know, i rather tell someone that i dont know about anything that bothers me..... although... opss.. some of you might know me right??? wahahaha... either way, i'm not writing to get you mad... sorry if what i've wrote made your mad or angry.. very very sorry...

pen merah, pen biru,
you marah?? i luv luv luv you!!!

hahahahahaha.. love you everyone.... chupzzzzzz

wei... next week!! going back!!!!!!!! wanna go home wit me???

it really bugs me.....

2008-09-13T07:34:00.000-07:00

for one thing, i really don't like being assume to do something that i really haven't done, gosh when on earth did i did that... it's prejudice! i really did it by my self using my brain, and seems like some people just dont believe it.. but why? it's the second time he said the same thing to me... what else should i do to prove that i'm right all the way..

adding to that.. i guess i quite a scene.... it seems like like i have a few miscommunication with some of my friends... i guess i went overboard with the emotion that ran on me that time.. so dude, i'm apologizing for all the wrongs that i have done... bare with me.. i have my own times of up and down.......

some of the things he said is true though... but really, it's a group work.. and i did my parts the best that i can do... but seems like all that i do is bad! a total 'BAD'! what should i gain from this anyway, it put a bruise on my already bruise self-esteem...

what to do? should i just say, heck who cares anyway, it's not like everyone is perfect. but then again yeap. that's what you got when you become a lazy bum.........

can't believe it's almost 2 weeks in ramadhan.. only 2 weeks left to go..... yay! can't wait..... hehehehhehe...

i'm so annoyed.... ok gtg..... hehehe thanks a lot! daa~

living a month of pure humanity.....

2008-09-08T05:28:00.000-07:00

well i've been fasting for about a week now, wow, it's so fast, can't wait to be back home, but then again, come to think of it.. i have a bigger problems that i will have to face later... i haven't bought my ticket back to kl yet.. gosh.. they say it will only be sold next week on the 15th..

i really don't understand why on earth is my stomach is aching this few days, i eat right i think, but i guess the food was too bad.. i really hate eating 'sahur' here, although there are many food but none of them fit me well, either it is too spicy or it's not that tasty,

of course this is my first time fasting in peninsular, and i think that i manage to get use of it quite good for now, although at first i never thought i would be able to fast until it's 7pm in the evening,

not to mention all the classes i have to attend, gosh!! time really not on my sides. as is i am running all the time, the weather? don't let me start, it's like whirlwind, sometimes it's hot and sometimes, so cold, especially on the early morning, why? i really don't know.

i think i am encountering what they call 'home sick syndrome' although it's not that alarming till now, i really don't know what will be happening next... la la la... hehehe

guess.. that's what we call being human, the feeling of loneliness, helplessness, and angst at the same time. although you may not try to make people noticed it. sometimes u can't help but to show it.

i think i will be catching a cold this few days to come.. either i hope it will not be that bad.... hopefully,

so many things i playing in my mind right now, i guess i dream too much? but really? is it a crime to dream? i think not right? to be hoping to get somthing that u really want for life... to feel your heart filled with what you like the most in life....

i love u!!! hahahahaha you know it right?? la la la la la la

people would say, how can you love someone when u never met them? is that wrong??? i think not.

i want to finish this fasting month as good as i can.

gimmie a lot of duit raya please, i want to buy a new phone... i can right?? hehehehe

a week of holiday!!!!

2008-08-20T23:06:00.000-07:00

wow... holiday for a week but it feel like just 5 days, still have a lot of works to do... OMG!!!

btw, been living in the campus for the whole week, and it't not that bad at all!! got so many experiences that really cool to be shared..... hahahahaha

urmm can wait to get home though...

eh.. almost forgot. it's almost the fasting month right??

will i be able to endure it?? wow time here seems to be much more longer than what i used too... hahaha god bless me pls!!!!!

hopefully by next week i'll finish all my works... la la la la... k dudes.. thanks for reading, sorry for the late blogging... till then... daaa~~~~

i'm older a year now...

2008-07-28T00:58:00.000-07:00

well guess there is no turning back when it comes to our age right. for sure now i'm 21 years old. thankful to god, i been given a lot of time to make myself better....

what the heck there surely a light at the end of the tunnel, and hopefully something great will be waiting for me there, although deep inside, i feel a lot of pain right now, a lot. covering it up with all the energy that i show off.. la la la.. is it true?? do u believe me?

either way.. ok happy birthday. may god always bless me and give me time for me to contribute to the people...... Insyaallah.......

little things can turn to a big matter.

2008-07-23T05:11:00.000-07:00

hey, i'm very sorry that i didn't manage to update my blog frequently as i can, it's been what, a week or less since my last entry and surely so many things happen to me for that time, well i went to mahkota parade to do some shopping and i manage to buy some new clothes, lol.... and also a sunglasses, which the frames are white, lol, kinda OTT right?(if you know what i mean by that). but who cares, when you think that it's good on you, just buy it right? well that fun...

cant wait for the next time i'll be going there again,

how bout my studies? well it's been good i think, although now i think that i am so stressful about it, and a lot of different things also, the assignment is somehow piling up and seems i dont have enough time to do it, i'm kind of in a dilemma right now, wheter i should buy a laptop or a camera, eitherwhich, both needed me to save my money for about two sems so that i can buy either one of it, and right now i'm kind of short in money, gosh, wish i have a lot of money right? someone, can you be my sponsor or anything? heheh just kidding

question, am i too childish? really? i never felt that i'm that childish but some say's that i do, but why? i am acting as good as i can, but still they percieve me as childish, is it true? if i am then, sure i won't be able to do my responsibilities right, i won't be able to do any decision..

guess i'm quite stressful that i mention unnecesarry things, but hey, i am capable of taking care of myself although i'm not that good at it, for god sake, i'm not like everyone of you, i'm so much different, i dont have the easy life that you do, so drop it, it's useless.

damn! get over it! ok then that's all chaow!!!!!

it's hard....

2008-07-20T02:59:00.000-07:00

hurmm.. for some reason, i really feel like this sem is much tougher,
the lecturer are much more harder to pleased and OMG, for my BEL, the lecturer is someone old, i don't know whether he can give the right mark for my class, i so stressful right now, so much that i think i'm falling down... please help me,

btw i went to shop yesterday, i bought a sunglasses for about rm18(lol cheap), hahaha who cares, it look nice, with the white frames and all.... i'll upload it later for you to see, hehehehe

hey, i miss you, the fact that i've been here, it feel like i lost contact with the world, stressful environtment really got me, adding to that, it's feel like i'm not in my comfort zone anymore,

i'm trying to get a very good impression from all my lecturers but i think i rubbed them at the place and time...

please do tell myself that i need to study!

to many different have happen to me this sem, and i think i will change myself to a bad person if i dont take care of myself......

ok hope me for the best okay... daaa~ toodlesss!!!!!!

starting my 2nd sem

2008-07-09T20:26:00.000-07:00

It’s so unbelievable that I’m in my 2nd semester here, well It’s not as hectic as last semester because there’s not much assignment been given out yet, but for sure, approaching it’s the final weeks of the semester its going to be totally busy and my god I have to work harder on my writing, which of course I can’t do that well,

The induction week for the freshies in my college just begun and they were only given a week to do so, it’s not the same when I got to do the induction, it’s more like 2 weeks for me, but yeaps it’s fun to watch them, it bring memories to me, last semester when it was us,

I arrived at Malacca on the 4th of July, on Friday afternoon around 1300 pm, well its fun to meet with all the friends that I left before, the freshie on my level is quite fun to befriend with, of course but I missed the time when the seniors are still there, they are much fun to talk with, hahahahaha

Last night, it was much fun to hear the freshie’s story, we laugh until around 200 am in the morning, but it was fun, hopefully tonight will be the same also right, I miss reading the manga that I always read, Bleach, I wonder how the story goes already and also the One Piece.

By the way, Roger Federer lost to Rafael Nada in the Wimbledon match, and Venus defended the title that she held, Yay! Congrats to her, I was more on Serena’s side but I love both of the sisters, in Roger’s case, I think he fought hard but luck wasn’t on his side, of course you win and lost some right?? Hehe

Ok I update my blog when I have the time ok, till then… Bye

2008-07-02T22:24:00.000-07:00

what else to say, i've been so naive, gosh! give me a break, i totally cannot care about others feelings when the can't care about me, i've been such a foolish person! guess i have to be mo tougher, try not to get too good and become what they say a little bit mean..

a bit mean won't do any harm right?

i'm so tired of being so damn nice, what is the meaning of it when they themself don't respect me as a person, i totally hate people like that, i think that i've been so stupid all this time, to think that they are the only people that know me very well, but the fact is they don't!!! they don't even have any idea of what i've made of. but yet maybe i exaggerated it, but hey, that is what i feel right now. i can't do nothing other that to still be friend of the, i'm afraid of losing friends, i'm afraid of losing friends.

well aren't that just plain stupid, i totally have to have a moment for myself, just to think my life straight, sorry if i totally offended anyone, but yeap it may not be involving you or you or maybe you if you know you've treated my right as a friends... thanks a lot, i'm looking foward for a more sweet, sad, hilarious etc experience with the lot of you...................................................

aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

glad i let it out of my system,

i'm no poet who can write in an award winning literature, using a so called 'great words' which will attract millions to read because of it................ shit!!!!!!!!!!!!

last day at home.......

2008-07-02T02:41:00.000-07:00

well today would be the last night at home, gosh, it's just like last time, when i was so sick to my stomach to feel that i'm going away again, but hey, got to be realistic here, you're doing this for the sake of your future, so that you can get a job. try and concentrate so that it will be a little bit easier.... gosh, hopefully i won't be feeling to much missing home....

i think i'm too afraid to let the people around me to be hurt and me myself got hurt at the very end.. gotta stop this..

by the way, if you realize, the posts before this really messy, sorry about that, yeap, that is the work of a newbie who bite more than he can chew.... bare with me please.

i'm feeling awfully not in the mood because i will be away again, but it's only for about 3 months and times seems to be flying to fast there! for real man!

hopefully this boring feeling will be fading away when i arrived there, there will be a new intake this sem, so can't wait to see the new faces there, and friends that i left... hey guys!! howdy! how's life been??

guess i will not be able to update my blog there. but yeap i will if i have the time ok. don't worry maybe there is a lot of story to be tell when i arrived there. later...

wish me a safe journey k.......

Wimbledon approaching it's final round......

2008-07-01T09:42:00.000-07:00

Today I went to Pekan Ranau to do nothing, bought some junk food and got back home, today I didn’t do anything at all, just clean the house and yes a total day off just as same as the other day, hurmm guess I’m got myself all together already today, got my conscience back and yes life seems to be brighter today, wahh! The sun, it’s shining on
me! Though it hot, LOL…….

Guess I must get prepared to gather myself and my stuff to go back there already, even my mum has asked me to do so, hey! Stubborn fella, get a move please, or you’ll forget something…

By the way, I got to catch on Wimbledon, and my god, it was superb, guess I’m watch more tennis than football, why? I totally don’t know.. guess I love it more right?

Ladies' Singles

semi final will be featuring:

Serena Williams (6) vs Jie Zheng
Elena Dementieva (5) vs Venus Williams (7)

The number one seed is defeated by Zheng on the 3rd round if I’m not mistaken, will Serena will be able to put the Chinese Champion? I hope so, but Zheng has a lot of fire on every Match she went, gosh, she can really play well. I rooting for Serena, but yes anything can happen.

Using a powerful serve and strong swings as a tool, will she presevere?

She maybe short, but she give a 110% on the match, watch out for the low balls she may produces

For Elena and Venus, I guess Venus will win, but who knows right? Venus is the defending champion here last year, and will she be making it to the final? The sad thing is, I won’t be able to watch the semi-final because I’ll already be at Kota Kinabalu at that time, sob…sob….. But I’m rooting for the William sister for the Finals….. yeah, will it happen though? Should just wait and see right??

Venus the defending champ!

Gentlemen's Singles
As for the Gentlemen’s singles, the quarter finals will be held tomorrow, and amongst the big names that made it to the quarter finals are, Roger Federer, Marat Safin, Rafael Nadal, Andy Murray….

Defending Champion, will he be winning again?

Number 1 seed Federer will of course sail to the Final if he played Extremely Well! I’m also rooting for Andy Murray for the Final, but I Think Rafael got the shot to go to the final if he can maintain his good play, Nadal just won the French Open two weeks before and I guess he can do better, but they are playing in two different court, and now they are playing on grass where they have to move extra hard different for the clay court……

Hope the best player Win!!!

For more info, visit http://www.wimbledon.org/

photos from http://www.wimbledon.org/ and http://www.photobucket.com/

geez........

2008-06-30T08:17:00.000-07:00

I have about 3 days left before going back to UiTM, I feel like I need another long holiday, but then again I’m so bored right now, not doing anything and I think its better for me to do something right? My mission when I got back there, to try and get a good result again, enjoy my life, making a lot more strings of friends, changing my persona and everything,

Will I be seeing the same people as last semester, can’t wait to see them, I missed buying food at the ‘Pasar Malam’ there, every Tuesdays and Thursdays every week, but then again usually I will only buy some water there, cakes and not forgetting the deliciously made fried mushroom, lol, kind of good though, it’s very addicting.

Even though I’m at Malacca, it’s sad because I haven’t gone anywhere there, guess I got to go somewhere there right? But will I have time there, this semester going to be more hectic, assignment going to be mo tougher and gosh, I am taking the thought of Mahathir for my co-curriculum, and it has a final for it.

Guess I have to wait and see right?

By the way, during my last week I manage to watch about 4 movies:

1: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
2: Fast Food Nation
3: Borat
4. Me and you and everyone we know

Ughhh….

Yeap, some may think that it’s a boring flick, but nope, as for me I liked it, I tend to watch something close to life rather that an action flick, although yep sometimes I need to watch action movie just to let the adrenalin rush again… hahaha

love the story Me and You and Everyone We Know, totally artistic... lol better watch it if u have the time!

i've been searching for a long time for 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' hurmm i think it's kind of a good movie right?

I recently downloaded Finding Nemo, haha yeap u heard me right, Finding Nemo, wahahaha… I love that movie, fish and sea hehehe, nice combination, feeling geeky? Opss I am! Urgghh a total goofball… la la la la don’t care anyway! Hehehe

Macam2 ne jadi ma sa, teruk ne, mana tidak telampau banyak befikir kan, wahahaha, napa d kunun macam tu, apa jga ko pikir ne oo-nan, haiya, bagus lagi ko buat keja owh, sem depan pown mo start da, hehehee… btw, have u ever think that u made a wrong decision?? Ntah la pla.. banyak kali sa pun inda taw ne… but one thing for sure, we win and lose something right??

Totally made someone mad today I think, though I don’t think I made it on purposely,, sorry for that.. guess something got into me! Hehee sorry! Is my apology acceptable?

Again, I’m very sorry.

BTW! X-Files movie is Out! watch it and tell Me okay!

Probably the best show on television on the 90’s and I love to watch it so much, I will glued in front of the tv just to watch it every week, but yes, after somewhat season the show become more complicated and because I missed a lot of episode after that I kind of not knowing what happen after that, but yes it is good to watch! Yeap yeap, better watch it!

so cruel........

2008-06-27T06:03:00.000-07:00

gosh, really? for real? but why?

Hey, is it normal to feel envious of other? Just as they gleefully gliding freely towards their life, is life that real easy? How can people be facing a different way of life? What really bugs me is that, why sometimes we feel that we are overwhelmed and overpowered by others? We feel as if we are not that good compared to others, and seems like people would dislike you more, people talking on your back, and seems like you’ve lost all the persons that you put as friends, you seem to have disappeared from their life, as if you don’t even exist at all. People put their best play in hoping to gain something more from other, a sense of belonging. That is something that can’t be bought, but really? Do you think you got that? I sometimes feel myself as an introvert person someone who don’t really know how to mingle with people, because of the fright of ‘assumptions’, what do they think of me as a person? Am I bad? For some reason, I’ll find myself to have a very low self-esteem, as if the world giving me a lot of assumptions, which I found to be depowering me a lot, and to get off of it, I’ll try to smile, smile a lot, so that I won’t feel abandoned.

There’s one lecturer who said some true things about me, he said that I tend to take things to myself, I don’t like telling other my true problems, because I don’t feel safe, it’s hard for me to open out, and I guess that what will be my big problem in the future, I’m too afraid to get anyone in trouble, and I wanted to get over my problems all alone, but really, no one can even get through it all alone right? Guess I have to change, change for good sake of myself.

So what really bugs me right now?

Is it the jealousy? Why? I do have my own life to leave right, it’s different, you have to remember that you are not the same as other, god has created your path and it’s up to you on how do you want to tread it. The hardness of the reality is there for you to take and turn it all the way around.

MyNiceSpace.com

is it true??

2008-06-25T20:08:00.000-07:00

hurmmm read this and gimmie ur opinion.... lol... is it true, got this from my friend... thankss......

What Afnansyah Agimin Means

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings.
You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun.
Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.
You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.
You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.
Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

i know now

2008-06-24T08:28:00.000-07:00

guess i know now, why on earth i got B+ for my Lib102, it's because i kind of have a bad way of writing things, i always type without ever reading it back, which is really bad, looking by the mistakes that i made and didn't realized it. well so much mo thinking.... lol

what do you think when a person is avoiding you? i guess that only mean one thing right, either you bored them or you did something wrong, so totally wrong.

what else can be undone, when something happen like that, just gotta go with the flow.

today went out, and bought a magazine, Style: well.... i totally gonna read it.

btw just saw at the news on 8pm, guess sabahan were really kinda pissed off today, because someone just got the time to send one chained sms, which in returned making all the people got so freaked out and urgently went to get fuel for their cars. that's so totally bad!!!

Holidays..

2008-06-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

gosh, did i really enjoyed my holidays? hurmm been staying at home for like a whole 1 and a half month already, well was is fun, being in holidays, from the other side of the coin I was so bored, but yeap, it totally good, not having all the stresses of doing the assignments sending them and the hectic daily life there for a while is so soothing, lol, everyday i woke up, it's as if i'm so energized, lol, hahahaha really?

Don't know what else to do, other than to cater on the house, doing the same chores day after that, but hey! its only for a month or so right, so cherish it!! owh i will surely, after not doing it for some time i guess it a way for me to enjoy my holiday...one thing i got when i went home is my extra weight, believe it or not, i gain back my pounds, oh why! not that i'm a weight freak, but i guess i've been dreaming to shed a few pounds, but really, who cares right? the fact that everyone it trying their best the make them visible in from of so many eyes really made me thinking, why? yet sometimes, i feel the urges to have that kind of moment, to be known and befriended by a lot of people, is that bad?well one thing for sure, it's totally gonna be a different environment next time. a total change from before, hopefully it's for the good. the subjects getting tougher, gosh hoping so much that my pointer will not drop drasticallyi'll update my blog when i know what else to write... (like anyone will read this right?? lol!!)

It's near,

2008-06-21T06:28:00.000-07:00

my holidays is coming to an end, after two weeks, i be going back t0 study, my 2nd sem there, so many changes will happen, i totally hope it will never affect me, but one thing for sure, i'm not the total junior there! yay! can't wait to hear the junior experience next sem, mine was somewhat fun! i must say, although sometimes, i feel like its hell being there!

will it be the same this sem?? hurmm i wish it will, but i think it will be a lot harder, the subjects is a lot more harder, adding to that is this sem will have a fasting month!, gosh! and i'm i a totally different invironment! because at my place, the break of fasting is around 6.00pm and there it's around 7.00pm.. hopefully i can!!!! wahahahahaha..

hey, most of you must say this blog is soooo boring! because i don't even have any idea in what i'm writing, i'm not a person who has a full view on a topic, sometimes, when i see someones blog about politics and anything serious it occurs to me they're sometimes right, but most of the time, i think that the way observe things is just one side of the matter, try looking i a whole Point of view.

some of the people's blog that i read, really have the point of view of a adult, and they quite young from me, ermm do i need to grow up?! thinking the way old people should think, lol, sometimes i laugh at myself, how can you, a 21 year old person still acts like you somewhat teenagers, is that wrong anyway?

people do precieve that people who are a little bit older than them and acting like them is so wrong, i guess that is the price for growing old, responsibilities and people's expectation with certain age.

today i felt so boring, totally boring, i went to pekan ranau, but nothing fun there, but i met with my friend though, nice to meet her anyway...... we didn't talk that much because she's with the friends, but yeah i'll be meeting her anyway, because we in study at the same place....

by the way, i was watching channel [v] the other there, i heard this song by Asa 'fire on the mountain' it's kind of like wyclef style of singing, filled with blues and i feel in love the first time i heard it, well i dont know about you, whether you'll love it, but i love it, here! listen to it.

if you have any info about it, well tell me okay? really want to know more about her

here's her Myspace http://www.myspace.com/asaofficial

well ok.. continue later! see ya...............